Christian Condolence Visits

Definition and Meaning

A condolence visit is the act of going to the family of someone who has died in order to share their grief and comfort them. A condolence gift is money or goods given to the bereaved family to help with the funeral. A Christian condolence visit centers on comforting the bereaved and praying with them. In Korea, Christian condolence visits generally follow local customs, but believers do not bow to the deceased or pray for the deceased's happiness in the afterlife.

Biblical and Historical Background

Scripture gives great weight to remaining beside a grieving neighbor. Job's three friends came to comfort Job after disaster struck him (Job 2:11). Jesus wept with Martha and Mary at the death of Lazarus (John 11:35). Paul urged believers to "weep with them that weep" (Romans 12:15). He also wrote that because Christians have the hope of the resurrection, they do not sorrow "even as others which have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14).

In Korea, from the earliest days of missionary work, Protestants rejected ancestral rites and parts of traditional funeral customs as idolatry, which brought them into conflict with their families and neighbors. As an alternative, Christian services such as the funeral service and the memorial service became established, and Christian etiquette for condolence visits took shape in the same process (see Ancestral Rites and Memorial Services).

Practice in the Korean Church

In Korean Protestant churches, when a church member suffers a bereavement, the senior pastor, other ministry staff, the cell group leader, and others visit the funeral hall and hold a service of comfort. They often go on to lead the encoffining service, the funeral procession service, and the committal service. The church may send a funeral wreath in its name or present a condolence gift according to its guidelines for family occasions, and after the funeral it may also comfort the bereaved family through a pastoral visit.

Korean Protestant mourners generally do not bow before the portrait of the deceased; instead, they pay their respects by offering flowers and by observing a moment of silence or praying. Practice regarding the burning of incense varies among churches and individuals: some burn incense as a simple gesture of courtesy, while others avoid it. Even at the memorial altar of a non-Christian, Protestants generally express their condolences by offering flowers or observing a moment of silence.

In place of the customary Korean condolence phrase, which expresses a wish for the deceased's blessing in the afterlife, many Korean Protestants say something such as "May the Lord's comfort be with you." The reason given is that the key word of the customary phrase, myeongbok, is a Buddhist expression referring to blessings received in the afterlife. Korean churches also customarily refer to death as socheon, meaning "having been called to heaven," although opinions differ on whether the term is grammatically correct.

The Catholic Church, by contrast, permits burning incense and bowing as signs of respect for ancestors, so Catholic practice at condolence visits may differ from that of Protestants.