Christian Condolence Visits

Definition and Meaning

A condolence visit (jomun, 弔問) is the act of visiting the bereaved family after a death in order to share their grief and comfort them. A condolence gift (bu-ui, 賻儀) is money or goods given to the bereaved family to help with the funeral. Christian condolence visits follow Korean customs for such visits, but instead of bowing to the deceased or praying for the deceased's happiness in the afterlife, they focus on comforting the bereaved family and praying with them.

Biblical and Historical Background

Scripture places great importance on remaining beside a grieving neighbor. Job's three friends came to comfort Job after disaster struck him (Job 2:11). Jesus wept with Martha and Mary at the death of Lazarus (John 11:35). Paul urged believers to "weep with them that weep" (Romans 12:15). At the same time, he wrote that because Christians have the hope of the resurrection, they do not sorrow "even as others which have no hope" (1 Thessalonians 4:13-14).

In Korea, from the earliest days of missionary work, Protestants rejected ancestral rites and parts of traditional funeral customs as idolatry, which led to conflict with their families and neighbors. As an alternative, Christian services such as the funeral service and the memorial service became established, and Christian etiquette for condolence visits took shape in the same process (→Ancestral Rites and Memorial Services).

Practice in the Korean Church

When a church member suffers a bereavement, the senior pastor, other ministry staff, and the cell group leader, among others, visit the funeral hall and hold a service of comfort. They often go on to lead the encoffining service, the departure service, and the committal service. The church may send a funeral wreath in its name or present a condolence gift in accordance with its guidelines for family events, and after the funeral it may also comfort the bereaved family through a pastoral visit.

Protestant mourners generally do not bow before the portrait of the deceased; instead, they pay their respects by offering flowers and by observing a moment of silence or praying. Practice regarding the burning of incense varies among churches and individuals: some burn incense as a simple gesture of courtesy, while others avoid it. Even at the memorial altar of a non-Christian, Protestants generally express their condolences by offering flowers or observing a moment of silence.

As a greeting, many use expressions such as "May the Lord's comfort be with you" rather than the customary "I humbly pray for the happiness of the deceased in the next world." The reason given is that myeongbok (冥福), the term in the customary phrase, is a Buddhist expression referring to blessings received in the afterlife. Korean churches also customarily refer to death as socheon (召天), meaning "having been called by heaven." Opinions differ, however, on whether this term is used correctly.

Meanwhile, the Catholic Church permits burning incense and bowing as signs of respect for ancestors, so its practice at condolence visits may differ from that of Protestants.